


Frazzled

by akh



Category: Major Crimes (TV)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-07
Updated: 2016-09-07
Packaged: 2018-08-13 14:42:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 617
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7980334
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/akh/pseuds/akh
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A short post-episode fic following White Lies, Part 1. Sharon's thoughts over a solitary drink.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Frazzled

It’s not the first time a shot she has fired has ended a man’s life. It’s just the first time she doesn't know how to deal with her own reaction to it.

She takes a sip of her Scotch and makes a face as the liquid burns its way down her throat, much stronger than the wine she’s accustomed to.

Guilt. She feels it, yes, but not for the right reasons. She’s not asking herself whether she could have aimed somewhere else, if maybe one shot less might have been enough to stop the man in a non-fatal way. Those are the questions that would normally be plaguing her after a shooting, but this time they're not.

For the record, she reminds herself dully as she takes another sip of her drink, the answer to both of those questions would be ‘no’. It all happened so fast. An officer was down and civilians were in danger. Given the circumstances, her use of force had been well within reason. The problem is, she’s not even interested in asking those questions. She doesn’t particularly care whether her use of force had been within reason or not. The man is dead and she can't even bring herself to regret it.

And therein lies the guilt. Not in killing a man, but in not even caring that she did. She, who has spent most of her career caring of little else on behalf of the entire LAPD.

And it doesn’t end there.

There is also that nagging voice of the Raydor past, telling her she should take herself off the case because the FID certainly aren't going to. Her file in the case will barely even fill a page because she knows perfectly well how to answer every single one of their questions to their full satisfaction, assuring them she is mentally capable of continuing, regardless of whether she is or not.

It’s not that she _can’t_ continue her work. She knows what the rules are and how to follow them. It’s just that to continue in her current state of mind would certainly be, at the very least, against the spirit of those rules she herself has worked so hard to put in place and to uphold.

But then _that_ Sharon Raydor, the one who wrote those rules, had never worked a single day in Major Crimes. 

Downing the rest of her drink she snorts gracelessly into her glass as it occurs to her that she might actually owe a certain Brenda Leigh Johnson an apology for everything she used to put her through in the name of what was supposed to be right and good. All those things she's not sure she even believes in anymore.

For a moment she amuses herself with the idea of calling the former Deputy Chief, or perhaps just sending a note with the words “I get it now” written on it, but then shakes her head at the absurdity of it. 

It would take more than one drink for her to act on such an idea, and even just one more drink, she concedes with a sigh, is a luxury she can’t afford. After the long day she's had, tomorrow is already perilously close, and she still has responsibilities she can't shrink from: a case wide open and a squad needing to be assured that she is still on top of it.

Not to mention a young man who doesn't need another mother showing up home drunk in the middle of the night.

Perhaps it's for the better, she sighs as she stands up, not as numb as she could have wished and yet far too numb.

There’s no rest for the wicked.


End file.
